Regret Is For Fools (And Sometimes For Me)
by Far Away In Wonderland
Summary: Jessica Pearson regretted exactly five things in her life. Not hiring Mike Ross when she had the chance was one of them. Slash. AU. Part Two of "Konkurrenz belebt das Geschäft"


**As of yet unbetaed. English isn´t my mother language, therefore there may be some mistakes.**

**I tried to research as much as possible. Because it has been some time since I last saw Suits, please excuse any discrepancy between my story and the series.**

* * *

Jessica Pearson regretted exactly five things in her life.

**#1**

The car she had been gifted with when her parents had submitted their divorce was her first one. Instead of accepting and using it, she should have taken the car keys and flung it at her parent´s feet, to show them that – no matter how expensive or how shiny their presents were – they could never make up for the pain and the hurt her parent´s divorce had inflicted on her and her sister. _Especially _her sister.

But instead she had taken the car and the first thing she did was driving all the way up to Harvard when she got in as one of the few students of African descent at that time. Then she had sold that stupid piece of shit and used the money to pay for the first few months of rent.

So in the end the car had been useful at at least two occasions. That was more than most things – or people – she hated could say for themselves.

**#2**

The second regret was trusting Daniel Hardman when he had taken her on as her personal mentor. Oh, how foolish and naïve she had been at that time! Believing that the Senior Partner of Gordon Schmidt Van Dyke recognized her because of her talent and her cunning. That may have been a reason, but not the main one.

She had been the only associate without any allies in the whole firm. All the others – rich, men and white – had their influential daddies and a Senior Partner or at least a Junior Partner looking out for them. They had nothing to gain but everything to lose by supporting Daniel´s schemes to boot out the Name Partners and put his own name up the wall. But she had been free wild for the hazing and the sexist comments, because even if she would have had complained, a generous 'donation' would have made the complaint disappear into nothingness.

So while she thought that finally a person saw behind the 'woman', 'black' and 'poor' and was genuinely interested in her progress as lawyer and asset to the firm, Daniel had used her gullibility to advance himself. She spied for him, denounced, betrayed and lied all in the belief that it was for someone that cared for her at least half as much as for himself.

People thought that Jessica Pearson had come to Gordon Schmidt Van Dyke as the strong and impeccable woman she portrayed herself as; instantly rising through the ranks due to her cunning and ruthlessness. And she let them believe that. But sometimes – when the firm had lost a big case, Louis was especially obnoxious and she just wanted to punch Harvey in the face – she admitted that, if Hardman had tried to take her into his bed she would have let him. It was him and Jessica against the rest of the world and the world had been especially hard to her at that time. That Daniel hadn't used her like that was the only positive thing she could ever attribute to him.

Of course, along the way Jessica had realized what he was doing and their partnership had turned into one of necessity rather than of respect and trust it had been before – at least for her. And then she had used Harvey the same way to get rid of Daniel, only that she had been honest about her motives from the start.

But the whole ordeal had strengthened her to an extent nothing else had done before. It showed her that honesty and trust were just other means by which you could exploit those under you and that – above everything else – it was ambition and greed that drove everyone around her. It was so much easier to manipulate those whose motives she knew from the start.

So when the last worker of Pearson &amp; Specter left the floor and the only light that illuminated the empty hallways was the single lamp in her office, Jessica stood in front of the window – imposing and regal – looking down on the buzzling lights of Manhattan and thanked Daniel Hardman for opening her eyes.

**#3**

Jessica third regret was her relationship with Quentin.

Not the relationship itself; never that. She had her name up the wall and was slowly turning Pearson &amp; Hardman into the most successful firm on the Manhattan Island. All her opponents had left the ship or had been silenced and yet she had never been lonelier. She looked at the faces she encountered and wondered when they would stab her in the back and trample over her still warm corpse to replace her. She let her gaze wander over her office and yet the hole within herself never seemed to close.

So meeting this charismatic man with great compassion and even greater ambition had been like salvation. For a short time Quentin made her forget the lessons Hardman had thought her – about manipulating, ruthlessness and backstabbing – and never had her life been more perfect. But then Quentin´s diagnosis came and her happiness shattered like broken glass.

Maybe if she hadn't hidden herself away in her office and buried herself with work to escape the reality that was Quentin´s illness; maybe if she hadn't started looking at him with pity in her eyes and started speaking of false hopes Quentin wouldn't have turned to Lisa Parker. But her inability to cope with the fact that not everything went her way and to reconcile with the restrictions and changes Quentin´s illness brought with it had driven him into the arms of another woman.

Jessica had said many cruel and spiteful things the night everything finally flew apart. Things that were true and not true; things that were her and things that were Quentin´s fault. Things that she could apologize for and things that she couldn't ever hope to apologize for. In the end she stormed out of their apartment and looked back only once.

The hurt and broken look in Quentin´s eyes was her third and biggest regret.

**#4**

Jessica´s fourth regret was also her greatest shame.

Every associate had to take at least one pro bono case a year. It should force the often coddled Harvard graduates to face the reality of those less fortunate, whose parents don't make it one the Forbes 100. Victims of rape that had to fight so that their rapists didn't gain custody and visitation rights for their children. Pensioners who had worked diligently for the last decades only to be fired a few days before they could retire so that their employers could cut their retirement pay to the barest minimum. Such were the cases that were handled out to everyone.

Jessica´s case had been pretty hard. Amber Rowle, a mother who had lost her only child due to a misdiagnosis of the hospital personnel. The woman had been distraught, bursting into tears nearly every few minutes. Jessica never had children and she didn't plan to, but to a certain extent she could emphasize with the woman and she promised her to do everything within her power to achieve justice for her child that never got a chance to live.

There was evidence of gross negligence on part of the clinic: budget-cuts nearly every quarter, doctors that were paid for the number of patients they could process per hour and a clear directive to only chose the cheapest – not the most effective – treatment. Jessica could have gone to court and won, but it wasn't to be.

The investment fund that owned the clinic was one of the biggest clients of Gordon Schmidt Van Dyke and if Jessica won that case it would cost them a lot of money. So, one day before the final hearing Van Dyke appeared in front of her cubicle when everyone else had already gone home and gave her an ultimatum: She either lost the case or he would fire her and make sure that no law firm east of the Mississippi would ever think of hiring her. Jessica was terrified. She was a first-year-associate and her whole future – her whole _life_ – could be ruined because of one single decision.

As Jessica was asked if she had any proof of her clients claims, she looked at Van Dyke and the CEO of the fund and Amber who had lost her child to the greed of those who would even make money even out of the death of a child – both looking at her expectantly – and she lied.

Later, when Van Dyke gave Jessica a bottle of champagne as 'Thank you' gift she wanted to throw up. When the now childless Amber came to her to thank her for her effort even though she had lost, she did.

Amber later got two more children and each of them would receive an anonymous college fund the moment they turned sixteen. It was dirty money and a cheap replacement for the justice that Jessica had denied the woman, but at least she could calm her consciousness a little bit. Even though she knew that this particular sin would haunt her until the day she would die.

**#5**

Jessica´s fifth regret was not as grave as the four before, but it irked her nevertheless.

She made it a habit to inform herself of every major player in Manhattan´s world of law. Mainly to snatch them up before they became a threat to her firm and if this didn't work to have as many aces on her hand as possible when one of hers got pitted against them. So it had been to her utter surprise when Louis had been beaten by someone she had never heard of before.

When Harvey´s associate informed her about this Mike Ross she wondered why she had never heard of him. Such a talent as his should have been working for her firm and not for third-class Cadbury &amp; Wakefield. Harvey may think otherwise, but she still remembered that this man had also been the one that had poached Walden away from them.

Jessica had come to terms with probably never knowing the answer to that particular question when one day she saw Harvey enter the floor with his 'I got laid' – face. The man may think that he was the master of manipulation and deflection, but he had been taught by herself and she had played that game far longer and better than Harvey could ever hope to be.

"So, did you win the case?" she asked Harvey. Normally the easiest way to learn about Harvey´s newest conquest was to ask about the preceding case that had him gotten laid. Harvey´s urge to boast about every of his achievements – be they in court or in bed – worked in her favour each time.

"Not really," Harvey admitted nonchalantly. Jessica stopped in her tracks, a well-known irritation slowly taking over her mind.

"Harvey, you either win or lose a case," she said in deceiving calm voice. "So which of these two was it?"

"As I said I didn't really win," Harvey began and held up his hand to forestall her outburst. "But I didn't really lose either. The judge enforced a compromise between my client and the opposing one that – should it work out – helps everyone."

"And who was it you celebrated your tie with?" Jessica asked. If Harvey was in this mood there was no point in arguing with him.

"Mike Ross – the opposing council," Harvey answered cheekily and turned on his heels. It was for the better.

"HARVEY REGINALD SPECTER!"

**#**

It became a game after that. Harvey would go against Mike Ross and come back with his particular face. In the beginning he won more often than not but after a while the odds evened out. Jessica tried to let others take on Mike Ross, because she disliked that the firm´s interests weren't the most important things on Harvey´s mind when he met the man before a judge, but he defeated them soundly. Harvey was the only one who had even a chance of beating him in court, so Jessica had to come to terms with the fact that the hearings involving those two became public spectacles for every lawyer in Manhattan. She also had the strong suspicion that Donna led an illicit betting agency behind the cubicle of hers.

**#**

"200 on Harvey winning the case but not before Mike Ross uses some obscure Star Trek reference that only Harvey gets to bring his point across," Jessica said to the red-haired secretary.

"Ms Pearson, I don´t take bets on the outcome of Harvey´s trials," Donna said in confusion and Jessica nearly believed her if she hadn't seen the shimmer of amusement in the cunning woman´s eyes. Louis had told that Donna sometimes took part in Shakespearean plays, but that she could be so convincing Jessica hadn't believed until now.

"Norma´s very expensive notebook she treated herself to after the last case of those two indicates otherwise," Jessica replied and a full blown smirk appeared on Donna´s face.

"It´s a pleasure to make business with you, Ms Pearson," Donna said as she took the money and place it in the envelope with the other´s money.

**#**

Jessica bought herself the new Louis Vuitton bag she had been eyeing for weeks from the money she made.

**# the only regret she ever met personally**

It was a gala of some big client of the firm to which the whole Pearson &amp; Specter personnel had been invited. Jessica had donned her glowing white evening gown with the accompanying high-hells that made heads turn wherever she went. She exchanged pleasantries with the representatives of possible new clients and made sure that Louis would neither try to impress someone with his attempts at ballet nor inflict a sexual harassment charge upon the firm by being borderline obsessive over some of the present woman. One time definitely was enough.

"Ah, Jessica, here you are," she heard Harvey from behind. She turned around and saw him standing there with a blonde man – blue-eyed, tall and lean, grinning – looking at her expectantly.

"Harvey," Jessica greeted him amicably.

"Jessica, that´s my date, Mike Ross," Harvey said and the man – Mike Ross – struck out his hand as greeting.

"It´s a pleasure," he said and Jessica didn't miss the adoring gaze Harvey sent his date. She raised one of her eyebrows. Who would have thought that his relationship with Mike Ross was more than a string of one night-stands.

"Finally a face to go with the name of the man who makes up for the majority of the cases we lost over the last few years," she greeted back emotionless. Harvey gave her an imploring look – probably to beg her not to treat his date to harsh – but before he could say something he was whisked away by some other guest.

"I didn't know that I was so well-known amongst the employees of Pearson &amp; Specter," Ross said without missing a beat. "Should I feel honoured?"

"Terrified would be better," Jessica smirked. "Because it means that sooner or later it will be me that you´ll go against." Ross gulped and Jessica´s smirk widened. She still was the Alpha here.

"Pleading for mercy wouldn't help me, would it?" Ross joked.

"It would only make me devour you faster," Jessica replied and sipped from her champagne. Then she turned serious.

"I do hope that you are just as much invested in Harvey as he is in you," she commented and Ross' face instantly hardened.

"Beg your pardon, but that is none of your business," he hissed at her.

"It is when it affects my best," Jessica replied evenly. "And only the best is worth Harvey."

"Even if it would, it still isn´t your business to meddle with," Mike answered heatedly. "Harvey and I care about each other and I will allow no one to interfere with our own happiness. Not even you. I may respect you, but I definitely don't fear you!" It was in this very moment that Harvey arrived back.

"Everything right with you?" he asked and Ross was just about to open his mouth when Jessica spoke up.

"Mr Ross and I just had a very enlightening conversation," she said. "Great catch, Harvey." Then she turned around and walked away. Mike Ross was exactly what Harvey needed. Now she just had to work out how to make the man work for her. Quite a few ideas came to her mind.

**#**

"You know what is quite funny?" Mike Ross asked as he signed his employment contract in Jessica´s office. After one year of constant offers and imploring talks the man had finally relented and was ready to sign on for Pearson &amp; Specter. Half of Manhattan´s best firms had been after him and the other ones couldn't afford what Ross was worth. Having the boyfriend ("Don´t call me that, Jessica!" – "Why Harvey? If I had known that your masculinity could be destroyed by one word, I would have started calling you that sooner!") of said lawyer on her team had been a great help as well.

"I´m sure you will tell me," Jessica replied dryly as she took the contract and placed it neatly in a folder. Tomorrow Ross would have to sign all the documents that Human &amp; Resources came up with when it came to relationships at work. Jessica certainly didn't envy either Ross or Harvey for it. But at least the biggest threat to Pearson &amp; Specter´s winning streak had been eliminated.

"You could have had me from the start," Mike said with a grin on his face, sprawled across the seat in front of her. "Pearson &amp; Specter was the first firm I applied for. But you rejected me because I didn't go to Harvard. You could have saved all those benefits and money that you used to woo me." And with a cheeky salute he left her office.

Jessica broke the pen she was holding into two pieces.

* * *

**Jessica is an incredibly difficult character to write and I hope I have portrayed her correctly. Thank you for reading ;)**


End file.
